Being pregnant is hard! Your body is making a tiny human(s) for goodness' sake! It is hard on your mind, your relationships, and your body especially. I have spent the better part of the last two years as a pregnant woman. Pregnancy has had its ups and downs in my book. One of the biggest annoyances were all of the unsolicited comments hurled in MY direction by strangers and acquaintances. The same can definitely be said of being a mom too-- the comments and advice never stop! Make someone's pregnancy a little easier, and think before you speak.
When I was pregnant with my first son, I got the run of the mill comments. "When are you due?" or "What are you having?" But with my second pregnancy, the comments became much more intrusive and outlandish the bigger my twin belly grew.
From the time I was about three months pregnant with my twins, I actually looked about six months pregnant. I was carrying two babies, so this was to be expected. Once, my husband and I were at a Starbucks in a Target, and the barista asked me when my due date was. She said, "I bet it's coming up pretty soon, and you're ready to be done!" This was November of 2016, and my boys were not technically due till the coming May. No, random barista! I am not giving birth soon. But thanks for reminding me how big my belly looks, and how I am in fact not giving birth anytime soon. Not that it was any of your business anyway. Now, if you don't mind, I need to go pee like a race horse, so I can browse the Target Dollar Spot in peace before I get too tired to walk, my ankles swell, I have to pee yet AGAIN, or I get hungry.
Another time my husband and I were at Target, --look, I know I go to Target a lot-- we had made it to the check out with no comments! Whoo hoo! Well, this was obviously too good to be true. The checker asked "What are you having?" I responded with, "Twins." Then another lady in the next lane pipes up and says, "Twins! I keep running into people having twins. Is this your first pregnancy?" My husband and I lost our first son to stillbirth, so this question is particularly painful for us. I of course told her that it was not, because I am not in the business of denying that my other son, Finnley, did in fact exist. She replied, "That's so great that means you will have a little helper at home!" This comment cut me straight to the bone. I nodded politely, because I was flooded with emotion. My husband quickly shuffled me away. Then, we went back to our white Ford Escape that we bought as a family car for our first son and cried. He never got to ride in that car.
Another instance happened at a baby shower for a good friend. I got the usual, "What are you having?" from my friend's grandmother. I told her, "Twin boys." She said, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!" Sorry? You're sorry? I'm not. I am so thrilled and happy that I could burst to be having two beautiful rainbow babies is what I thought to myself. I politely told her that we were very excited for our boys, but it hurt nonetheless.
What I am getting at here is that you NEVER know what a stranger or acquaintance is going through as a pregnant person. It's probably better to avoid intrusive questions and comments altogether. The woman you're intruding on could be suffering or healing from a loss, like myself. She could have body dysmorphia and be having negative thoughts about her appearance. She could have spent years trying to conceive and does not want to hear how much you think she can't wait to be done with her pregnancy. She could have been raped by her boyfriend or a complete stranger and doesn't know how she feels about being pregnant. You don't know! So, please I beg of you think before you speak to a pregnant woman. We are emotional and hormonal, and we could use compassion over intrusion.
To end this on a lighter note, I will leave you with some tweets from comedian Chelsea Peretti that inspired this post.
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| My personal favorite. |
Thanks for reading,
Stacy
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