Unsolicited Pregnancy Comments

    Being pregnant is hard!  Your body is making a tiny human(s) for goodness' sake! It is hard on your mind, your relationships, and your body especially. I have spent the better part of the last two years as a pregnant woman. Pregnancy has had its ups and downs in my book. One of the biggest annoyances were all of the unsolicited comments hurled in MY direction by strangers and acquaintances. The same can definitely be said of being a mom too-- the comments and advice never stop! Make someone's pregnancy a little easier, and think before you speak.

    When I was pregnant with my first son, I got the run of the mill comments. "When are you due?" or "What are you having?" But with my second pregnancy, the comments became much more intrusive and outlandish the bigger my twin belly grew. 

    From the time I was about three months pregnant with my twins, I actually looked about six months pregnant. I was carrying two babies, so this was to be expected. Once, my husband and I were at a Starbucks in a Target, and the barista asked me when my due date was. She said, "I bet it's coming up pretty soon, and you're ready to be done!" This was November of 2016, and my boys were not technically due till the coming May. No, random barista! I am not giving birth soon. But thanks for reminding me how big my belly looks, and how I am in fact not giving birth anytime soon. Not that it was any of your business anyway. Now, if you don't mind, I need to go pee like a race horse, so I can browse the Target Dollar Spot in peace before I get too tired to walk, my ankles swell, I have to pee yet AGAIN, or I get hungry.

    Another time my husband and I were at Target, --look, I know I go to Target a lot-- we had made it to the check out with no comments! Whoo hoo! Well, this was obviously too good to be true. The checker asked "What are you having?" I responded with, "Twins." Then another lady in the next lane pipes up and says, "Twins! I keep running into people having twins. Is this your first pregnancy?"  My husband and I lost our first son to stillbirth, so this question is particularly painful for us. I of course told her that it was not, because I am not in the business of denying that my other son, Finnley, did in fact exist. She replied, "That's so great that means you will have a little helper at home!" This comment cut me straight to the bone. I nodded politely, because I was flooded with emotion. My husband quickly shuffled me away. Then, we went back to our white Ford Escape that we bought as a family car for our first son and cried. He never got to ride in that car.

    Another instance happened at a baby shower for a good friend. I got the usual, "What are you having?" from my friend's grandmother. I told her, "Twin boys." She said, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!" Sorry? You're sorry? I'm not. I am so thrilled and happy that I could burst to be having two beautiful rainbow babies is what I thought to myself. I politely told her that we were very excited for our boys, but it hurt nonetheless. 

    What I am getting at here is that you NEVER know what a stranger or acquaintance is going through as a pregnant person. It's probably better to avoid intrusive questions and comments altogether. The woman you're intruding on could be suffering or healing from a loss, like myself. She could have body dysmorphia and be having negative thoughts about her appearance. She could have spent years trying to conceive and does not want to hear how much you think she can't wait to be done with her pregnancy. She could have been raped by her boyfriend or a complete stranger and doesn't know how she feels about being pregnant. You don't know! So, please I beg of you think before you speak to a pregnant woman. We are emotional and hormonal, and we could use compassion over intrusion.

   To end this on a lighter note, I will leave you with some tweets from comedian  Chelsea Peretti that inspired this post.

My personal favorite. 

Thanks for reading, 

Stacy

Let Her Walk

    An issue that is plaguing our public schools in the U.S. and across the world is teen pregnancy. In the media, teen pregnancy has become glamorized with shows like Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant. As a mom, who has been pregnant twice and blessed with three boys, I can tell you there is nothing glamorous about pregnancy. You gain weight that can make you feel sluggish, you have to pee like crazy, your skin develops weird patches, hair grows where you previously didn't have hair, and to top it all off you vomit around the clock in the beginning unless you're lucky. Pregnancy is hard. For me, it has even been life threatening. I can't imagine having to deal with this at such a young age. But, for Maddi Runkles and many teens like her, this is now a reality. We have to prevent teen pregnancy from happening not because it is wrong for teens to have sex, but because it is hard to be a parent at any age. It is even harder when you are still a kid yourself. We need more comprehensive sex education in our public schools to prevent situations like that of Maddi's. And, to prevent the shame centered around it, the injustices that result from teen pregnancy, and the stereotype that it is wrong for teens to want and to have sex.

Safe sex is always necessary!

    Maddi Runkles had sex before marriage as reported by The Washington Post in Joe Heim's article "Teen Banned from Graduation ‘Not Because She Is Pregnant but Because She Was Immoral’". This is a decision that many teens today choose to make, myself included when I was a teen. Maddi is now pregnant and is having her baby in 3 months at the age of 18 years old. Her school tried to expel her, shut her out, made a public post on their website about the "love" that they are giving her through "discipline," and they are now keeping her from walking at her high school graduation. An achievement that was well earned by Maddi. She was a 4.0 student who served as student council president until she became pregnant. Why should this student not get to celebrate her achievement or hold office in her school, because she chose to have sex? I had sex before graduating high school, and the Center for Disease Control (CDC) reported in 2015 that 41% of teens were having sex ("Sexual Risk Behaviors: HIV, STD, & Teen Pregnancy Prevention"). These were the numbers released on the teens surveyed that were honest and felt comfortable disclosing this personal information. That does not mean that these numbers are not higher. Having sex is a personal choice, and it seems that there are only further consequences for teens who choose to engage in this behavior if it results in pregnancy. As long as teens are being safe (by using oral contraceptives or condoms), consenting, legal, and overall responsible, then it is really none of our business what they are doing in their free time. 

Always use some kind of contraceptive!

    The issue in Maddi's case is that she DID get pregnant. She was not offered sex education in high school, but she was taught abstinence only. Comprehensive sex education is absolutely necessary in our public schools to prevent teen pregnancy. Comprehensive sex education is defined as the following by The Future of Sex Education's website: "The comprehensive sexuality education curriculum should include a variety of topics including anatomy, physiology, families, personal safety, healthy relationships, pregnancy and birth, sexually transmitted diseases including HIV, contraceptives, sexual orientation, pregnancy options, media literacy and more. It should be medically accurate. Qualified, trained teachers should provide sexuality education" ("Definition of Comprehensive Sex Education"). This type of sex education should be in every school district in the U.S. However, it was only offered in 11 of our states in the U.S as reported in an article published by The Public Library of Science in 2011 entitled "Abstinence-Only Education and Teen Pregnancy Rates: Why We Need Comprehensive Sex Education in the U.S." written by Kathrin Stranger Hall and David Hall (4).  In fact the results of the study conclude that, "teens in states that prescribe more abstinence education are actually more likely to become pregnant..." as we see in Maddi Runkles case (4).  Comprehensive sex education works, and we NEED to include it in EVERY public school. 

16 and Pregnant is skewing how teens view pregnancy.

    With shows like Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant glamorizing the lifestyle of teen parents by throwing money at the girls that they cast, it is no wonder why girls are getting pregnant at alarming rates. Let's not throw money at this issue in this way! Let's throw some money at comprehensive sex education in our public schools. Teens need to be educated on consent and safe sex. They need this education to take into their adult lives, so we can prevent unwanted pregnancy, sexual assault,sexually transmitted diseases and infections,etc. --not saying that this education will end these issues, but it will help to ensure our students and teens have been equipped with the education to prevent these things from occurring. 

God has more to do, trust me.

    In Maddi's case, her school is very religious. Her administrators feel that she has committed an egregious sin that should be made into an example. I really think God has more to worry about than this poor girl having sex before marriage. Let her walk. I had sex before marriage, was safe, and did so with consent on both sides. I don't think God views me any differently, and I don't think he views this girl differently for getting pregnant at 18. If we don't want teens getting pregnant, then we need to have better resources for them that include readily accessible information on safe sex practices as well as contraceptives. 

    It is not shameful to have sex. If we were to make an active decision to talk about this more with our children and actually educate them, then maybe we could enact some change. Maybe we could change the mind of older generations that want to persecute teens for making these decisions. We are all sexual beings and there should be no shame in that. Maddi should be allowed to walk at her graduation. She has done nothing wrong. Let. Her. Walk.  

Thanks for reading,

Stacy

Works Cited

"Definition of Comprehensive Sex Education." Futureofsexed.org. Advocates for Youth, n.d. Web. 25 May 2017.

Heim, Joe. "Christian School: Teen Banned from Graduation 'not Because She Is Pregnant but Because She Was Immoral'." The Washington Post. WP Company, 24 May 2017. Web. 25 May 2017.

"Sexual Risk Behaviors: HIV, STD, & Teen Pregnancy Prevention." Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 10 Mar. 2017. Web. 25 May 2017.

Stanger-Hall, Kathrin F., and David W. Hall. "Abstinence-Only Education and Teen Pregnancy Rates: Why We Need Comprehensive Sex Education in the U.S." PLoS ONE 6.10 (2011): 3-4. Google Scholar. Web. 25 May 2017.

An Introduction and Labels

    Throughout my young adult life, I have encountered people from all walks of life. As Malala Yousafazi affirmed in an interview, "There should be no discrimination against the languages people speak, skin color, or religion." My takeaway from this quote and my belief above all else: there should be no discrimination. I, myself, am a minority. I am a person of color (POC), a teacher, a mother, a woman, an Oklahoman, an artist, a body positivity advocate, a feminist, and so much more than these labels. But society defines us, so I might as well OWN my labels.

    Despite all of these labels that have somewhat of a positive connotation that make up my person, I have been labeled much more harshly lately, or rather I should say ignorantly. Have you heard the terms "snowflake" or "lib 'tard" being used recently? That's me in a nutshell. This is how many members of my community would choose to define me. These labels do not bother me. If this is what it means to believe in a world that can one day be more inclusive, then yes, I am by definition a "snowflake."

    I hope I have not scared too many of you off by using terms like "lib 'tard" and "feminist." So many people find these terms offensive or threatening in some way.  I want to use this platform to help you examine why you feel this way.  I want to have a discussion.  But let me make this clear, I want to have a discussion free of belittlement and harassment.  Once the discussion becomes unproductive, I am done with whomever makes it so. My goal is for this to be a safe space, and I will NOT let people make me feel unsafe.

    This is me. I will be sharing my thoughts on Oklahoma's educational system, healthcare, equality, feminism, motherhood, and a variety of other topics. I implore you to join in on this discussion with me.

Thanks for reading,

Stacy